Whose Story Is It?

I had a real writing challenge before me this week. Not like a writing prompt or anything; this was more of a crisis of skills. I mean, I like to think I have developed a good toolbox when it comes to dealing with writing problems, but this one had me all tied up. I wanted to write about how I knew this person over the years, how my perception of them changed as I learned more about them, and my admiration for the person they had become. The story dealt with sensitive subject matter, but that wasn't the big hold-up. It was all about the presentation, and I didn't know what to do.

Here's a big writing lesson: When in soubt, write down something. Anything. Put words to the page, stitch some monstrosity together, and take it to a workshop to find out what other people think. Present the piece by saying, "Here's a thing I made - what is it and what does it need to be more than just a thing?" Leave yourself open to other people's input and opinion, and listen to every word. They may not know better than you, but they sure will be able to give you a perspective untainted by whatever your personal issues are. That's exactly what I did, and I will tell you why it helped so much.

As I mentioned, this was a story about how I knew this person from decades ago and how things evolved over time. Part of the feedback I received (particularly from several emails after the meeting) was that it was trying to be two stories - I was trying to tell the story about how my view of this person changed as I discovered more about them, but I was also trying to tell my friend's story to some degree, and this was creating problems with the task at hand. Depending on which story I wanted to tell, I should've drawn my focus toward one particular story arc and let the other characters support that story. However, this came with a monstrous caveat that writers have to acknowledge.

If I were to talk about my story exclusively, demonstrating my life and my growth as the world changed, that's fine. I can also discuss it from the perspective of how information changed my perspective, and thus how I perceived reality - perfectly allowable. The catch is, if I were to tell my friend's story and how it changed me, I am walking into dangerous territory because that's not my story to tell. I may be a part of it, but my license as a writer doesn't extend into explaining that friend's life. It would be similar to telling someone's secrets, to outing them or revealing a secret identity - absolutely none of my business. Now, I have written extensively about other friends who have shaped my life's pattern, and I write about them without hesitation, but that's because they either gave me permission to, or mostly because they were dead and could no longer tell their story. And in the latter case, I always make sure I keep it within the realm of the known world, revealing them only in the sense of how we related to each other.

So, to recap, if you are tied up in a writing project, here are the main tips to follow: First, write down something. As the saying goes, it's easier editing bad writing than editing no writing. Second, know the story you want to tell and hone in your subject matter to that arena. When a sentence feels awkward or out-of-place, ask yourself if it's sticking to the subject. And lastly, make sure it's your story to tell. Or, at the very least, make sure you are not disrespecting them in any way, shape or manner - living or dead.